Spiderman meets Batman
by Dorshal Finn
Summary: The Dark Knight and the famous webslinger square off against each other while The Joker, Harley Quinn, Doctor Octopus, and Carnage prepare to control the entire world using symbiotes. Will the heros stop battling before it's too late?
1. Spiderman

SPIDERMAN meets BATMAN  
  
Written by Ralph0295  
  
Based upon the characters created by Stan Lee and Bob Kane  
  
**Hello everyone!!! This is my very first fanfic and it may not be very good. I have always admired this site and wanted to write fanfic of my own. Well now I have. This one answers those age-old questions: What would happen if the Caped Crusader crossed paths with the famous Web-Slinger? What would happen if Doc Ock and Carnage teamed up with The Joker and Harley? Does Alfred have the hots for Aunt May? And what if James Jonah Jameson and Harvey Bullock worked together to spread the news about Batman and Spidy? All those questions are answered here!! The first part is a bit short but I still hope you like it! **  
  
It is morning in New York City and at Peter Parker's house, Peter is getting ready for a "News Trip" to Gotham City. Aunt May has her arm around Peter as she speaks to him.  
  
May: Are you sure you will be okay managing things on this trip? It's a big job taking pictures of this crazy man in a bat suit. Unlike Spiderman. He's a true hero. Not grabbing people by their throats to ask for evide..! Look! I'm rambling again.  
  
Peter pats her back.  
  
Peter: Don't worry Aunt May, I'll be fine.  
  
May: I may be old, but I know what's too dangerous. And I....  
  
Peter: It will be FINE. Old J.J is going to lookout for me. Nothing can go wrong.  
  
Peter's thoughts: Yeah, in Gotham there's no eight-armed freaks or gliding goblins.  
  
May: J.J?  
  
Peter: My Boss. James Jonah Jameson?  
  
May: That old goat? You'd be better off finding The Batman yourself.  
  
Peter: You are going to get grey hair Aunt May.  
  
May: Too Late for that I'm afraid.  
  
Peter: I have to get going.  
  
May: Alright. (Kisses him) PLEASE have a safe trip!!  
  
Peter: Thanks Aunt May!! (hugs her) You're the greatest!  
  
Peter walks out the door when Aunt May realizes.......  
  
May: PETER YOU FORGOT YOUR SWEATER!!!!!  
  
Outside the house, Peter dons his Spidy suit and swings on his webs toward a giant city. Downward, Otto Octavius is sitting outside waiting for a bus. His tentacles nervously tap on the bus stop's glass. He pulls out a watch.  
  
Otto: Ah, time for me to catch my ride. Gotham City should be a piece of cake compared to this dump! There are no web-slinging idiots there! Hehehehe! Haha! And while we're there, I am going to get myself acquainted with a certain Idol of mine: JACK NAPIER. Hehehehehehehehe!!!  
  
The bus arrives and as he is getting on, Tentacles stick out of his coat. He pushes them back in. He turns around.  
  
Otto: Cletus!! ARE YOU COMING OR NOT??  
  
A skinny man comes out of the shadows. He crouches down like a toad. He hops into the air wildly.  
  
Cletus: Hehehe!!! Of course sir!!!  
  
Otto: Then get moving you poor excuse for a man!!! Eddie Brock could have been ready twice by now!!!!  
  
Cletus: No way!!! Brock is a loser!!! Get out of my way Octopus!  
  
Otto: MUCH better.  
  
The two villains board and the bus takes off and heads toward a huge city: Gotham City. 


	2. Batman

Bruce Wayne is sitting down eating dinner with his Butler, Alfred. It is quiet because Dick Grayson a.k.a Robin is away at collage. Alfred watches as he Bruce plays with his food.  
  
Alfred: It is awfully dull at the manor now that Master Dick has left, isn't it?  
  
Bruce: Yes. And a lot less noisy!  
  
Bruce sips a bit of soup.  
  
Alfred: Too true. But don't you miss having a partner when you are out there during the dangerous times? Times like now?  
  
Soup dribbles out of Bruce's mouth. He wipes it.  
  
Bruce: What do you mean?  
  
Alfred: Look out the window Master Bruce.  
  
He looks out and sees the Bat signal.  
  
Bruce: Oh.  
  
Alfred: I'll start down the stairs. You know how long it takes me to get down them.  
  
Bruce and Alfred head down to the Batcave. When they arrive Bruce is suits up for his fight. Batman suit. Weapons. Next he pulls his mask over his head. When he is done suiting up, a glare of light shines on him and we see BATMAN.  
  
Alfred: Remember to smile for those dreadful Daily Bugle photographers Master Bruce. You do remember how to do that right?  
  
Batman: Ha. Ha.  
  
He walks toward the Batmobile and hops in.  
  
Batman: This may take a while.  
  
Alfred: As it always does, sir.  
  
It charges up and darts right out of the cave. 


	3. The Joker and Harley Quinn

The Batmobile is racing down the streets of Gotham City. It stops at an alley. We hear maniacal laughter in the backdrop. Batman gets out of his vehicle and walks down the alley. He suddenly sees the huge grin of Jack Napier a.k.a The Joker. He is standing next to his wife Harley Quinn.  
  
Joker: Oh look who's here! It's the old Bat butt! We are just counting our hard earned money! Isn't that right Harl?  
  
Harley: A'okay Mista J!  
  
Batman: Money. Yes. Hard earned. I don't think so!  
  
Joker: Now, now. It took us a long time to steal this!!  
  
Batman lunges out to grab the stolen money. Harley hits him on the head with a giant mallet.  
  
Harley: HANDS OFF BRATMAN!!  
  
He falls down and hits his head on the alley wall.  
  
Joker: Aw! Did you hurt yourself?? Hehehehe!  
  
Joker kicks Batman in the face, but then Batman jumps up and punches Joker right in the jaw!  
  
Joker: DON'T YOU EVER FIGHT DIRTY WITH ME YOUNG MAN!  
  
He squirts acid from his flower but it misses Batman completely and disintegrates the money!  
  
Joker: OH NO! The money!  
  
Harley: There goes my trip to Hawaii!!  
  
Batman: And here I come!!!!  
  
He punches The Joker straight in into the stomach. He falls down and cannot move.  
  
Batman: No so funny now, is it Bozo?  
  
Joker gets a nervous look but then throws down a gas bomb. Purple Smoke comes out of it covering him and Harley except for their mile wide grins.  
  
Joker: Adios Bat Tights! See you in the funny papers! Hehehehehe!  
  
They disappear into the pitch-blackness.  
  
Batman: Damn! He got away again!!!  
  
Commissioner Gordon rushes down the alleyway.  
  
Gordon: Batman, where's The Joker??  
  
Batman: He disappeared again.  
  
Gordon: Well, do you know where he's gone?  
  
Batman: Not Yet.....  
  
Batman spots the squirting flower on the ground.  
  
Batman: .....but I think I know how to find out. 


	4. Doctor Octopus and Carnage

A Bus stops at Gotham City. Otto Octavius and Cletus Cassidy emerge from it.  
  
Otto: Well, here we are Cletus. Gotham City.  
  
Cletus looks around.  
  
Cletus: Sheesh, what a dump!  
  
Otto: Perhaps, but this "dump" will be perfect for our scheme!  
  
Cletus: Yeah. No Eddie Brock.....  
  
Otto: (interrupting) AND no Spiderman. He would ruin my precious plans!! Unlike Batman. Compared to Spiderman, that guy is a pansy. Now I must locate The Joker so that I may strike a deal with him, but first, I need to find someone who can spill his whereabouts to me.  
  
Octavius sees a criminal dressed as a clown mugging an old woman.  
  
Punk: Hey lady, that's a nice ring ya have there....  
  
Lady: Oh my!  
  
The punk rips the ring off the old woman's finger.  
  
Otto: And I think I have found that someone now.  
  
Cletus jumps wildly.  
  
Cletus: Get him Otto!! Get him!!  
  
Otto: I will. But first, I need some......  
  
Octavius' arms rip through his trench coat, revealing his tentacles and his Doctor Octopus suit.  
  
Doc Ock: ......elbow room!!!  
  
Doctor Octopus grabs the punk by the neck. The old woman runs away.  
  
Lady: GOOD HEAVENS!!! THREE BADDIES!  
  
Cletus hops over to Doctor Octopus.  
  
Doc Ock: Hello my fine young lad. (pointing to himself) I am Doctor Octopus, (pointing to Cletus) and this is my hired help, Cletus Cassidy. Are you uncomfortable like this?  
  
The punk chokes.  
  
Doc Ock: No? (lifts punk higher) Okay. I had a question for you my funny little fellow. I am looking for someone. Perhaps you have heard of him? He goes by the name of....Well let's see.....Um.....THE JOKER?  
  
Punk: (choking) I....I.....I don't know no Jo....o....oker.  
  
Cletus: HE'S LYING OTTO!! HE'S LYING!!!  
  
Doc Ock: Now, tell me the truth, or I'll be forced to give you a very unpleasant accident!  
  
He makes a cutting signal passed his neck with his tentacle. The punk gulps.  
  
Punk: Ok! I'll tell you! Just don't kill me!  
  
Doc Ock: If you tell me NOW, I won't!!!  
  
Punk: OK!! He's down by the run down Missy's Toy Outlet!! It's near Arkham Asylum.  
  
Ock Drops the punk on the ground. There is a loud CRASH!  
  
Doc Ock: Ah! A toy outlet you say? (chuckles) Just the place for a clown prince of crime. Thanks kid. Cletus, please dispose of him.  
  
Punk: I thought you said you wouldn't kill me.  
  
Doc Ock: I won't. HE will. Besides, you're a witness and well, (cocky) we can't have witnesses can we.  
  
Cletus clutches his head and soon, a red suit forms around him. He looks up at the punk and he now has piercing white eyes and sharp jagged teeth. He has become Carnage.  
  
Carnage: Come 'ere punk!! We wanna have a little snack!!! We're starved, aren't we Cletus? Hahahahahahah!  
  
The punk screams and tries to run, but Carnage knocks him down. He falls to the ground. Carnage lifts up the cowering criminal. He grabs the punk's head with his teeth, and then rips it off like a piece of meat. 


	5. James Jonah Jameson meets Harvey Bullock

Spiderman is swinging into Gotham City. He seems to be having a hard time because the buildings are so far apart. He stops and jumps down to an alleyway.  
  
Spiderman's thoughts: So this is Gotham City? Its huge!! Not to mention run-down! I don't know why J.J wants me to take pictures here. This anything BUT beautiful. But there's no time to think now. I have to get changed.  
  
He runs down the alley. A few minutes later, Spiderman comes back out as Peter Parker. He has a camera in one hand and a map in the other.  
  
Peter: Glad that's done. I am never going to change in an alley again. Burr! Alright, now to find old J.J.  
  
Peter walks over to a nearby park. James Jonah Jameson is there giving orders to Eddie Brock, and he is MAD! Brock then walks away, camera in hand. J.J sits down on a bench and starts looking through papers. Peter walks over to him. J.J looks up.  
  
James: Ah, Parker!!! You finally made it! I just sent Brock out to catch a new costumed..um...clown, so to speak. He's callin himself The Joker. Heh, what an odd name, The Joker. Heh. Any who, are ready for your assignment?  
  
He starts looking through his papers again.  
  
Peter: Ready as I will be J.J.  
  
J.J stops. He looks up.  
  
James: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME??  
  
Peter: Nothing.  
  
J.J stands up and walks over to Peter.  
  
James: Alright. You are good with those photos of Spiderman, but lets see how you are catchin this flying rodent! They say he's harder to find than a wrinkle on Jane Fonda. I want some good....no.....GREAT photos of this Batman.  
  
Peter: I'll try my best sir.  
  
James: Good Man. Now get out outa here!! I didn't hire you to stand around!! Go on!! GO GET THOSE PICTURES!!  
  
Peter's Thoughts: Okay. Okay. You could at least say please.  
  
Peter: Yes sir.  
  
Peter walks away. J.J sits down again. He fiddles with his papers. Soon Detective Harvey Bullock, the number one Batman hater in Gotham, walks up to J.J.  
  
Harvey: Excuse me? Mr. James Jonah Jameson? I couldn't help but overhear that you needed dirt on old Batbrain?  
  
J.J looks up.  
  
James: Yeah, and who the hell are you?  
  
Harvey: Detective Harvey Bullock. I have had many cases ruined by that flying rat, and I have all the dirt you need on him too. I've even got some dirt on Webhead as well.  
  
James: Very nice Mr. Bullet I........... YOU DO!?  
  
Harvey: Hey, I'm a detective. I pick up these things.  
  
J.J folds his hands and looks up in the sky.  
  
James: (whispering) Thank You.  
  
J.J now looks at Harvey.  
  
James: Mr. Bullet........  
  
Harvey: BULLOCK!  
  
James: So sorry. Mr. Bullock, how would you like to become my partner in the newspaper business?  
  
Harvey: Well I'm not really supposed to.....  
  
James: (begging) PLEASE! I need dirt! Dirt good! I'll give you thirty percent of the prophet.  
  
Harvey: Half.  
  
James: HALF!? WAIT JUST A GOD DA....  
  
Before he finishes, Harvey whistles the Spiderman song J.J made up.  
  
James: Errrr!! You drive a hard bargain. BUT I NEED THAT MONEY! I'm poor! Poor bad! Need to be Rich! Rich good!  
  
Harvey: All right then. Show me to your headquarters.  
  
James: (to himself) YES!! (to Harvey) Oh I mean, yes my dear friend! Of course! Who needs misfit employees when I've got a dictionary of dirt! This is like a dream come true!  
  
Harvey: Yeah, just remember, half of that dream is mine!  
  
The two enter the Bugle van and shut the doors. 


	6. Doctor Octopus meets The Joker

Doctor Octopus and Carnage are in a dark and damp spot of Gotham City. They are standing by The Arkham Asylum looking over at an old building that reads "Missy's Toy Outlet".  
  
Doc Ock: Ah. Missy's Toy Outlet. I believe this is the place that annoying little schmuck told us to go.  
  
Carnage: What annoying little schmuck? (Burps) Oh. THAT annoying little schmuck. Hehehehehehe!  
  
Suddenly Carnage's laughter blends in with someone else's: The Joker's!!  
  
Carnage: What was that Otto?  
  
Doc Ock: You Neanderthal! That was the Joker!!! Now I KNOW this is the place.  
  
Looks about.  
  
Doc Ock: (jerks head to right) Come on, this way!  
  
Doc Ock starts walking toward the building. Carnage follows behind him. They open the rusted, creaky door. They see a long corridor. The two walk in, and as the walk down they hear maniacal laughter. They get to a door that says "Joka wuz here". The two open it and look in. Inside, Joker is sitting down on a ripped up sofa, while Harley is dusting and cleaning. Joker is very depressed about the battle that took place earlier in the day.  
  
Joker: I just don't understand it!!! How was I defeated again!?!?!?! It just doesn't make sense.  
  
Harley places a flower on a table in front of him.  
  
Harley: Don't worry puddin! I still love ya, even if you are a no good, dirty rotten, idiotic, Neanderthal that can't even kill a man in tights.  
  
Joker looks up at Harley and looks rather disgusted.  
  
Joker: (Dull) Gee thanks Harl. That made me feel SO much better.  
  
Harley: Don't mention it Mista J.  
  
Doctor Octopus and Carnage walk into the room. Doctor Octopus is chuckling. Joker springs up and grabs a gas gun from the table. He points it at Doc Ock.  
  
Joker: All right buster!! Put your hands up!! All six of them!!  
  
Harley pulls out a mini-gun and points it as well.  
  
Harley: Yeah!!  
  
Doctor Octopus walks over to them.  
  
Doc Ock: Calm down my dear man, please. I am not here to harm you; I'm here to help you.  
  
Joker slowly lowers his gun.  
  
Joker: Help me? Why? Who are you???  
  
Doc Ock: So sorry. Permit me to introduce myself. I am Doctor Otto Octavious and this is my hired help, Cletus Cassidy a.k.a Carnage!  
  
Carnage walks out over toward Doc Ock. He grins at Harley.  
  
Harley: Oh my gawd!!! He has such a CUTE smile!!!!  
  
Joker looks over at her.  
  
Joker: Ahem.  
  
Harley blushes.  
  
Harley: Well, he does.  
  
Joker turns to Doc Ock.  
  
Joker: So, why have you come to help me Mr. Octavious?  
  
Doc Ock grabs an armchair with one of his tentacles. He pulls it over and sits in it in the nick of time.  
  
Doc Ock: Why, Mr. Joker? I'll tell you. I have a vision!!! A vision of wonderful chaos and havoc bestowing upon New York City.  
  
Joker rubs his hands together gleefully.  
  
Joker: Now this is my kind of guy!!!  
  
Doc Ock: Mr. Joker, your are having some pest problems, are you not?  
  
Joker nervously looks from side to side repeatedly.  
  
Joker: Pests!? Where? Can I kill them???  
  
Doc Ock gets an annoyed look on his face.  
  
Doc Ock: A certain CAPED CRUSADER???  
  
Joker: Oh yes, Bat butt. I am having LOADS of trouble with him.  
  
Doc Ock: Which brings me to why I am here. I think if we join forces.........  
  
Joker: (Interrupting) Nah ah. Already tried that with Lex Luthor and it went nothing but bad.  
  
Doc Ock: No no no no no! This plan is MUCH different and is bound to be more successful!  
  
Joker: Okay Mr. Calamari. I'm listening.  
  
Doc Ock: You see, I too have problems with a certain.  
  
Carnage: (Interrupting) Eddie Brock!!!  
  
Doc Ock gives Carnage an evil look.  
  
Doc Ock: ..Spider-Man.  
  
Harley: But what does that hafta do wit us Docta O?  
  
Doc Ock: Well, Spider-Man has never met you two right??  
  
Joker: Yes..  
  
Doc Ock: And I have never met Batman right?????  
  
Carnage: Yes...  
  
Doc Ock: Well, with a little trickery don't you think that we could..  
  
Joker jumps up on the couch.  
  
Joker: TURN THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER!!!!!!! OH I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK DOC OCK!!!! I LIKE IT!!!!  
  
Joker starts dancing around the room with joy. Doc Ock, Harley, and Carnage join him in the dance of joy.  
  
Doc Ock: And while the idiots are too busy fighting, will proceed with my master plan!!!!!!  
  
Harley: Yippee!!!! Um..(Stops dancing) what is the master plan?  
  
Doc Ock pulls out a blue print from his pocket.  
  
Doc Ock: Glad you asked that Harley.  
  
He opens the blue print. It has a huge machine on it. He points to it.  
  
Doc Ock: With my laboratory supplies, we will build this machine on the tallest skyscraper in Gotham, The Clock Tower.  
  
Joker: Well what does it do?  
  
Doc Ock: It uses the symbiotes to turn people into....  
  
Doc Ock points to Carnage.  
  
Doc Ock: ...THAT!!!!  
  
Carnage looks over at Ock.  
  
Carnage: Watch it buster!!!  
  
Doc Ock: These people will turn into symbiote creatures and will help do my..I mean...our bidding. Plus, with you laughing products I can give them a feature that you will most definitely love: A mile wide grin!!!!  
  
Joker smiles evilly.  
  
Joker: You got yourself a deal Mr. Octopus!!!!!!  
  
Joker shakes hands with Doc Ock while Harley and Carnage shake hands as well. The two stare into each other's eyes. Joker smacks Harley's hand, as does Doc Ock to Carnage.  
  
Doc Ock: Come now. We've got work to do. 


End file.
